Haven’t had time to publish posts but I’ll share how my day went today.
First off, I woke up late today and arrived at class late. I failed the quiz, too.
The 3 hours after that was okay. I was with a few classmates and had time to talk to them which was fun.
The worst part of the day came afterwards. During Strength class, a few minutes before the time, the professor asked me to answer something on the board. I have a really big problem with being called and coming in front so I became very tense. I couldn’t answer his question. I didn’t know what the answer was. He started shouting at me and my nervousness worsened. I knew I wasn’t the brightest. At that time, I just wanted to go in front of a running car and die then and there. I wouldn’t have minded, really.
I went back to my seat and he made me go back to the board. He shouted at me again and again. I started to feel really bad about myself. My classmates were, thankfully, shouting what to do.
Before the class was dismissed, I remember crying. I couldn’t stop the tears. I was nervous, scared, and felt so little.
I know I should be, but I really can’t take it when people yell at me. My parents never did. I am not used to it and I usually cry when people shout, even when it’s not directed at me. Yelling at me is ten times worse, though.
I spent about 5 minutes inside the restroom crying and laughing at how pathetic I looked like, why I was crying at something people think is too small to worry about.
The next class was okay. I still spent about 10 minutes tearing up while the professor was discussing about Delta to Wye and Wye to Delta. I figured out what to do when we had a seat work, thankfully.
The ride home was okay. I wasn’t sleepy but I did tear up again every few minutes.
Today was really hard. This week has been hard. At some points, I was tempted to cut myself, tempted to go in front of a running truck to stop all the pain. I want everything to stop.